These are just a few simple leadership steps that can get us going in the right direction.

Draw them closer to Jesus. This sounds like a no-brainer, but there is a subtle temptation to become "the wise one" and cultivate greater loyalty to you and/or the ministry. Instead, make it your goal to help want to be more like Jesus instead of you.

Be committed to their self discovery. It's so much easier to get out the soapbox, step up and preach. Instead, be a guide in your relationships and set the course, but allow them to set the pace and take breaks along the way. They may not want to go as deep as you do right away, that's okay. Slow, incremental progress is perfectly okay. Occasionally getting stuck in confusion is fine, too. New vistas of insight are often discovered beyond a plateau of confusion. A common tendency in discipleship is to assume others will grow the same way you do.

Ask questions. A strong, definitive statement typically mutes a response or is met with shallow agreement or hesitant ambivalence. The beauty of a question is that it puts the ball in the teenager's court and gives him/her space to reflect. When they ask you a question, slow down, don't rush an answer and when you do answer, do so carefully. Sometimes the best answer can be another question.

Listen well. It's a gift to a teenager when someone fully pays attention and isn't preparing an answer while pretending to listen. If good listening results in a short time of awkward silence (because you're thinking about a response once the teenager has finished) that's totally acceptable! When you say, "That's good… let me think about that for a second," you affirm their question.

Don't interrupt. Let them finish. Everyone knows you're passionate! How can you not be? But the expression of a little self control will net big results.

Focus on being faithful rather than successful. It's okay if they don't get it (what you're trying to convey/convince them of), rarely do we learn something the first time we hear it. Planting seeds is success, even if they don't yet sprout.